No offense, but that is terrible advice! Both decisions will inevitably result in both joy and regret, but regretting the former makes it a problem for a new human who had no say in the matter. If you aren’t positive, it’s far more ethical to skip out on creating a new life and go for adoption later on if you change your mind. Having a child should be more than just something *you* want, but also a real evaluation of what it takes to properly nurture a new human and your own ability to satisfy those requirements. You can be driven with those primal urges and have the best of intentions, but you need to be honest with yourself that you have the physical and mental capabilities, as well as actual resources, to embark on that venture responsibly.

I love getting comments from this article, always. They always give me such warmth and comfort. Especially to know every women has experienced something so close to this fear, have endured it…are enduring. I appreciate you reading and commenting – know that you are not alone!

Thank YOU for reading! I appreciate it so much 🙂

Hello, Elise!
I can relate to this so much. The world is so full of unknowns and having children is definitely something we won’t understand until it happens (um, TERRIFYING). Glad you found peace in the article and I appreciate you reading so much!
~Brittany

Shanell,
Thank you so kindly for reading! I truly have felt so much peace reading other women’s stories through writing this and it certainly makes me feel less alone. But, I have a firm belief that paradoxes’ are what makes life most beautiful. <3

I gotta say, you 100% nailed this, dead on. I relate to this more than I can begin to express and it’s nice to know that there are other women out there that feel this very same way. I am without a doubt, completely and utterly terrified of becoming a mother someday, yet at the same time, I fantasize about how truly wonderful and fulfilling it will (hopefully) be. You are absolutely right, it is a paradox.

Hi, Sam! Thank you so much for your kind words. It fills my heart with comfort to know we’re all sharing this story 🙂

Jessica, I feel this SO MUCH. I really love hearing from mamas that still are honest through this struggle. We are constantly faced with defining ourselves, especially when motherhood blooms for us! Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting. I appreciate hearing your story so much!

Hello fellow Britney! Thank you so much for this comment and for reading through this essay. I appreciate your support and commentary so much. Advice and sharing stories always make me feel less alone in this grey motherhood journey we are sifting through. 🙂

Thank you so much for reading. I love reading through the comments and feeling less alone in this! xoxo, Brittany

Oh that means so much to me! Here’s to ghost ships…! ❤️

I am definitely going to order these as well! Thank you so much!

THAT LAST SENTENCE. Thank you. I definitely, definitely needed to read that. Appreciate you reading and sharing so much!

I’m so happy to hear that. Thank you so much for reading!

Hi, Keri! To be honest, I felt my life shifting slightly with this comment. Reading the Cheryl Strayed article you suggested rightfully MOVED ME TO TEARS and helped bring a very beautiful color of clarity. So, for that, I thank you so very much. How beautiful, how pristine. Thank you for reading and sharing this with me! And here’s to being messy, awkward, fluid and always wondering 🙂

These comments from you all mean so much to me!! I’ve been reading them with urgency and gratefulness and every single one of you has made me feel much less alone in this. Thank you for reading and also making me feel less weird 🙂

Hi, Devin! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And I’m so happy this speaks to you in the same ways it spilled out of my brain and heart. I am right there with you, in life’s process and in feelings. Another W&D reader recommended Cheryl Strayed Dear Sugars column on the Rumpus. I’ll post it here. It gave me some clarity 🙂 https://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

Hi, Kristin! Thank you so much for finding reliability through this. It’s helpful to hear these stories and know we are definitely not alone in this black and white, fluid journey 🙂 It’s kind of embarrassing for me to admit, but I don’t even really LIKE babies. But I want my own? I don’t really understand it but I know in some way, I’m going to lose something (my freedom or the future with a little family). While this particular desire is scary, I think it’s equally comforting. That paradox, again. <3

Thank you for sharing this. These stories, from women, potential mothers, and even mothers that feel this paradox strongly…I appreciate every single desire and fear. We are certainly, certainly not alone. I think what’s the most difficult is no matter what we chose, there will inevitably be a loss. A loss of a life of sensual freedom and a loss of life without family, children. Sending you all the love in whatever sister ship you choose. xoxo

Thank you so much for reading and finding this relatable. I think it’s so powerful to understand how fluid we are. Another Wit and Delight reader pointed me to the Cheryl Strayed Dear Sugars letter in The Rumpus about ghost ships we don’t choose to take. I can’t recommend it enough if you’re looking for more acceptance and clarity about this issue <3
All the love,
Brittany

Andrea, thank you so much for reading. I can’t express in this little comment box enough how much I appreciate your words. It’s so good to know we’re not alone 🙂